The Lonely by Tara Brown

Author:Tara Brown [Brown, Tara]
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: Tara Brown Publishing
Published: 2013-02-02T06:00:00+00:00

Chapter Sixteen

I pace her office, Looking out the window, "Does the winter ever end here?"

She chuckles and sips her water, "It does, in the spring. We have four full seasons here. It's lovely."

I look back at her and sigh, "If you say so."

"Sarah, I want to talk about them. I want to know what you're wiling to give into."

I bite my lip and cross my arms, wrapping them around me. I swallow and nod, "My birthday. I turn twenty. I think I can do it."

She nods, "I agree. I think you can too. I just need you to hear you say it all aloud. What's holding you back?"

My nostrils flare, "What if they have an idea of what I should be and I'm not?" She doesn’t know about the darkness. She doesn’t know how much I liked being tortured by Eli or my desires that are attached to his spankings and fingers.

"You were their child. They gave birth to you and raised you for nearly three years. You were their baby. They will love you no matter what has happened to you and no matter the outcomes of those situations."

I hear her words. I honestly do. But I cannot force myself to believe.

"How do I let them in?" I whisper.

"Slowly. The first time you meet them cut it short after a couple hours, or even an hour. Then the next time a few more hours and slowly get there. If this were an adoption you would have dates where you meet and then get used to each other. But it isn’t. These are your people. They already love you. You just need to remember.

I glance back out the window and wish for the nerves and expectations I've placed on myself to go away.

"Have you seen Mr. Adams?"

I try to hear in her tone whether she thinks I have seen him or not.

I narrow my eyes but don’t turn around, "No." I don’t know what to say. I don’t want to talk about the fact I'm dying to see him and let him hurt me and do dirty things to me. I don’t need that sentence to be released in a room with this much light and judgment in it.

"Is he texting you?"

I glance back and nod, "Of course. You know what he's like." He is texting me. Nonstop. He's driving me insane with it.

Her stare is uncomfortable but I hold it. She is searching me for something. I hate being evaluated.

I cross the room, "Thanks doc."

In the elevator I can't help but pray he's standing at the bottom like last time.

I'm disappointed he isn’t when I get to the main floor and go out to the car.

When I get back to my room I sit and stare at the phone. I don’t know what to say to him. I imagine he feels the same. Shell doesn’t seem to suspect. I'm glad I never told her. I don’t know how to say that I needed him. I needed something. He made the touching and feeling, a good thing.

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